The Day After Christmas

December 26--the day after Christmas--was much more calm around here. Kerry slept, I ran errands, and Rachelle made a wonderful ham and lima bean soup. Since I was gone a lot, I didn't see a lot of Kerry until the end of the day. He told me that Bette didn't eat, at least not in the first half of the day. This is troubling news. If this continues, we might have to move up her final day. She just seems so uninterested in food. Even when we put the Delectables on top of her Iams, and she used to devour her Iams. 


Most of the day, Bette slept. One thing that was nice is that she climbed on me again. She seems to be seeking out comfort. 

I forgot to mention in the last blog entry that, before we went to bed on Christmas, Bette got on my lap while I was watching Bob's Burgers and stayed there for almost a half an hour. Again, this behavior is very unusual for her. It's true that she seeks me out only when Kerry and Rachelle are not around. But I will take what I can get. She has climbed in my lap more in the last week than she has more in the last year. I know that something is up. I sense that she is hurting, and she is sad. The end is probably near. She only has 11 more days to go. Perhaps she knows this on some level. 

It is good that the boys (Freddie and Scooter) pretty much leave her alone now. They don't chase her or jump on her. I am hoping that they have a sense of how frail she is. I mean, Freddie is about 16 pounds and Scooter is 14 pounds. Poor Bette is only 4. She's just a wisp of what she used to be. 

I still hope that when the time comes that I have the strength within myself to do this. People are telling me that I am "giving her a gift." I guess I don't necessarily see it that way. Maybe I am being selfish. I just don't want her to leave. I just don't want to feel like I made the wrong decision.



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